Disturbia

Song of the day : Alicia Keyes "No One"

Reena and I were supposed to go to Bangkok this weekend, but again it turned out to be a lazy weekend of pampering, sleeping and chilling. We had a rough week. A really exhausting week. Thursday we worked 15 hours, thus giving us the idea to start our own organization "END EXPLOITATION OF VOLUNTEERS!". Just because Justin can work all hours around the clock without sleep, doesn't mean we all can!

We had a rough week! It was the busiest yet! The worst was Thursday. I am not sure what to think or what Justin's intentions are. We had told him that Reena and I make an amazing duo at picking up girls in need. He even praised us for being able to have the personality and the skills to do so. However this week he is using a DIVIDE AND CONQUER tactic. He kept trying to seperate us all week and during bar work! The other day, he asked if I can take a walk with him. Which to him is a ride on his scooter. We zipped around the city while we had a discussion. He was telling me that he had a meeting with the maffia the other night. He told me not to tell anyone, especially Wanna and Ratanna as they are sensitive and fearful of the maffia. He said he wanted to tell me so I am aware of what is going on in case of an "emergency".

They don't like what OPENaid is about. They make a lot of their money not just by prostitutes and bar girls, but they take advantage of the poorest of the poor. A lot of the poor people who live in the slums need money to start their own little business. So they borrow money from the maffia but their interest rates are so high, that they are only able to make the minimum payments, thus never being able to clear their debts. What OPENaid does, is provide loans to payoff their maffia debts at a really low interest rate or no interest rate at all. That is one of the programs I am really keen about and really love the fact that we help Pattaya tackle their poverty issue. There are so many business opportunities at such low costs to start however so many are unable to, and turn to prostitution or have life time ties with the maffia. I then realized us being seen with Justin is a safety hazard to all of us at OPENaid!

He then wanted to take me to a go go bar at 3pm to talk to one of the girls we are helping, but thank god she wasn't there because I was not up for beer and naked girls at 3pm! That night, we met up a SOI JET to follow up on this young girl we are helping. So Reena, Ratanna and I were on our way to the bar but then Justin told me to put on a helmet as he wanted my company to put gas in the scooter. Before we hit the gas station he wanted to take me to a go go bar. So we get there and it was a small dark go go bar with 2 little stages filled with young half naked girls all dancing on poles surrounded with Pattaya's filthiest UFOs! We then ordered drinks and then Justin said he needed to talk to one of the girls in the back and he left me alone! I felt so awkward and uncomfortable because of all the stares I was getting from : 1) The men wondering why I am watching the girls and not up on stage dancing. 2) The dancers wondering what I am doing, most thinking I am a dyke. I wish I had my cell phone to keep me preoccupied and give me something to focus my attention to!

When Justin got back, we headed out and I "unpacked" my thoughts and feelings and told him how I felt about him leaving me alone. He then apologized and said he will take me to another bar (not go go) because he wanted to introduce me to a girl OPENaid has been helping for awhile. So we go to this bar where I met "Oy" and we started to talk. Justin said we couldn't discuss anything personal as the owner of the bar was sitting on the stool next to us. He then orders a round of beer for us. I thought it was strange that he ordered beer as we are not allowed to drink on the job. I didn't question because I felt like I could use a good beer to numb my pain of seeing young girls pole dancing. So he leaves me alone at the bar to talk to Oy while he goes to a go go bar across to speak to another girl. He then comes back and said the go go girl is upset with him because she thinks he is with his girlfriend (me). So he told me to go across to talk to her so she can believe I am not Thai and that I am from Canada working for OPENaid. I was like geez common! So I go over to talk to the go go girl wearing a naughty high school girl get up with pig tails. The girl was looking at me with the biggest attitude ever, and as I approached her she turned her back towards me. So I tapped her shoulder and I introduced myself.

We finally left DIAMOND STREET (one of the many GO GO BAR streets) and headed to the outskirts of Pattaya to get gas. All the bright lights and the hustle and bustle of Pattaya was gone and I felt like I was able to breathe again. So we get gas for the scooter and he tells me we will head back to SOI JET to pick up Reena and Ratanna. I was happy again to be reunited with Reena but of course he just had to take me to another go go bar for more beer and half naked girls! After telling him how uncomfy I felt about being left alone at the other go go bar, he leaves me alone again! I saw another female in the audience. She looked chinese. I had a good laugh as she looked very proper wearing a white collered blouse, a black sweater vest and her geeky glasses. She looked more tense than I did so I was able to kick back, drink my beer and "relax" a bit.

After we reunited with Reena and Ratanna, we all headed to the go go bar Justin took us on our first night in Pattaya. It is small and dark but felt more upbeat. The girls were all exited to see Reena and I. They remembered us from a month ago. The half naked girls just crowded around us and were just chatting away and laughing. Reena and I did not know what was going on. Next thing you know one of the 2 mama saans aka the madam/pimpette came over with the owner and she put her arm around Reena's waist and told him that Reena is hers, so then he grabs me by the waist and said I am his. I felt so violated. He is the nastiest UFO from France. He then comes back with all these shots and we weren't sure if we should drink them but Justin gave us the nod that it is ok. That killed me! With all the beers and the shots I felt so tipsy that I asked the mama saan to take me to the bathroom. Because women don't normally go to these places, there are never any female bathrooms. So I walk in where I was greeted by a drunk man facing the door, pissing away at one of the urinals. I felt scared he was going to kick in the door to my bathroom stahl. Luckily Justin came in to check if I was ok. Reena told me that Rattana was going to check up on me but Justin insisted that he went to check up on me. Reena thinks he likes me. I kept denying it hoping she is wrong but the more I put the pieces together I am starting to think does.

So I get back from the toilet where Justin then tells me we are going to go for another walk. By then I was like ok, it's late we are probably going to finally really discuss my thoughts and feelings about my night of intense go go bars. Of course it doesn't end there...we go to a more hardcore go go. This go go bar had several stages and the place was really bright and well lit. Also, ALL the girls were fully naked and some were in cages. I thought my night couldn't get any worse but it did. By then I was really kicking back the beers because I was really disturbed by all the men there. With the bright lights I was able to see their faces more clearly and see their disgusting looks as they gaze at the young, naked girls surrounding them. Justin explained to me more about the life of a go go girl and the quotas they have to make. They have to have 9 "bar fees" paid for each month, if not they will be deducted from their salary. 1 bar fee is basically half or a quarter of their salary so they try so hard to have one paid for. A bar fee is paid for by a "Farang"(Westerner) who then takes the girl out for a night of sex or whatever they want the girl to do for them. I heard a lot of horror stories of what some of the Farang men have done to some of the girls we've helped or are in the midst of helping. I don't know how these men sleep at night after really abusing and taking advantage of these women? I don't understand how it's possible for these men to do what they do? Or how they can do what they do? I don't want to get into detail because thinking about it makes me sick. Justin said Reena and I should go to one of these go go bars one night and pay for a girl's bar fee and just take her out to dinner to talk and get to unpack her. "UNPACK" is Justin's word for digging deep and getting into the core of someone's thoughts and feelings.

It's strange but Justin said he would like to do a study on me. If a psychologist wants to do a case study on you, is it a compliment? Or should you be worried? I feel so bothered and disturbed! I also feel bothered and disturbed after getting my hair did today. I wanted to get a wavy perm done - I got a gay guy so I felt exited knowing that gay men really know how to do a girl's hair. The outcome is really disastrous. What a way to end my week of DISTURBIA! I look like I had put my finger into a socket! That or a nasty poodle! :'(