Up & Down, Back & Forth

Song for the day : One Republic "Stop and Stare"

So today was my birthday and it started off really sad. Chiang Rai was in the agenda but it changed. I think because of the dangers going on in Burma/Myanmar! I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster... It's like I am constantly UP & DOWN, BACK & FORTH! One moment I feel like I can conquer the world, the next I feel so helpless :'( This morning over breakfast which consisted of warm left over lemon green tea, chocolate almonds and wasabi peas (yes it is an odd and gross combination but that is all I had to eat) Reena and I were having a chat with Wanna/Juanna (not sure of the spelling of her name). She works at OpenAid and was a former prostitute. She really opened up fast and told us a quick version of her life story. I was in tears within minutes and when Reena told her it was my birthday she apologized for making it a Unhappy Birthday. I told her it was ok. I felt bad because she then asked us our story and I was like....well I actually don't have a story. My stories consists of stupidity and immaturity. To some things up, Wanna/Juanna was raped as a child when she was 7 years old by a family member or friend and she lost both her parents. She was saved when she was married however her husband physically abused her. When she got pregnant he promised not to hit her anymore and all was fine until her baby was about 1.5 years old and the abuse started again. She ran away from her husband with her baby daughter to Bangkok with nothing but 1,000 baht which is about $40. She wasn't able to find a job even though she was able to speak English because she did not work for 10 years. While she was married she was a stay at home wife. The only place she could think of going was here in Pattaya because she heard many tourists come here and figured she can use her English skills to get a job. Unfortunately, the only job that was available was to be a prostitute. She hated doing what she did but it was the only way she can feed her baby. So in response to the ones who asked, "Why not help the needy at home first before we tackle the international issues?" Well, the homeless people back home have many organizations and government programs to help the needy, whereas here in Thailand there is absolutely no one but the "kindness" of tourists.

So after that intense morning, I decided to gather my thoughts and relax poolside. The weather was hot but unfortunately we had sunny and cloudy breaks. So even though Reena and Ratanna say I am black, I feel I am not tanned enough! I wanted to swim so bad but the damn UFOs (UGLY FAT OLD) MEN were starring and I felt so violated. Many of the nasty men here are surprisingly not American, they are mostly from Germany or Finland. I feel like telling them to lose weight, fix and clean themselves up so they wouldn't have to pay for a girl to love them. Okay sorry if I've offended some big fellas....I am not saying it is bad to be big and that it is gross to be big! I'm just saying that the ones here are gross only because their sole intent is to pay for some good lovin' coz they can't get any back home! Also, it bothers me that they walk around like their big shit because they are sooooooooooooo not!

So after my day at the pool I decided to take a nap. It is sooooo hot that all I want to do is sleep! It's so bad! Then Justin, Ratanna, Reena and I went for dinner. We ate at our favorite Thai restaurant where I was finally reunited with my garlic chicken! Mmmmmmm, too good!!!! So we ate like kings and queens....had 7 dishes of chicken and seafood and it only costs 450 baht! Like $10 dollars!!! It's funny because everything appears so cheap for us. Yesterday I ate a LARGE Blizzard at DQ (Dairy Queen) and it only costs 45 baht ($1.15) and we went to watch a movie STARDUST (Which by the way is wierd but surprisingly really good) and it was only 80 baht which is about $2.10! The wierdest thing that they do here, is stand up for the national anthem before the movie starts with a slide show of the King/Majesty. I'm glad I read about having to do that because maybe people would have spit on us or kick us out of the theatre if we didn't stand up. Seems like people are really respectful of the royals. I feel like starting a revolution and tell people to wake up! That the Majesty is living large while the vast majority of the people in Thailand are dirt poor and having to pimp their young daughters to make ends meet!

After dinner we went out for "desert".... 3 inch COCHROACHES! It was actually my stupid idea so I was unable to back out of it once we got to the BUGS stand. There were several type of bugs for sale. The cochroaches were the "best" tasting but the worst smell. So I was advised not to smell the cochroach, and to just dig in. My stomach was mad turning but I never back out of a challenge and of course I wanted to do something daring and different for my birthday. This year's theme is CHANGE. So I want to get out of my comfort zone and JUST DO IT! So maybe perhaps I will get over my fear of bungy jumping and my fear of SNAKES! Hmmmmm, not sure if I will get over the snakes so fast but you never know!

Then Reena and I walked around "WALKING ST" which is the red light district. We were advised not to go out after dark but there were so many families out in the street and it is my birthday so we went out for a few drinks. We did a lot of people watching. We saw so many Ladyboys out and about. We have this game where we try to guess the gender of certain people. Reena is afraid of the trannies but I think they are harmless. They wouldn't mess with us unless we try to steal their man which will NEVER happen so we are definetly safe! We drank at some hip hop lounge and enjoyed the music from our chair as we are advised not to get up and dance or we may lure the wrong type of people. Reena and I had a few laughs as we saw so many tourists with their kids walking not knowing what "WALKING ST" really is and what it is about. I can just imagine how traumatized some of the kids may be seeing so many Ladyboys and half naked women walking around or dancing by poles. Even though the music was great, the lounge was nice, the drinks were gggrreeeaaaattttt, the vibe was not right. Seeing little 5 year old kids exposed and working the streets really dampens the mood and slaps you in the face real hard that this is life and the government is letting this happen. I don't understand why this has been going on for too long now.

So you can see why I am up and down...it's like you try to have a good time but it is hard when so many bad things are happening everywhere you look. It's like the only time I can be happy is when I am in my oven of a room! Where I don't see the elderly and children begging for money, where I don't see UFOs with young women, where I don't see the disabled selling items for pennies, where I don't see funny looking stray dogs wandering the streets looking at people in hopes someone will throw scrap food at them. It's pretty sad when all you want to do is sit in a room as hot as an oven when you are mere minutes from a beautiful beach (which is actually spoiled by all the young prostitutes lined up awaiting for their UFO to tap them on their shoulder and lead them to their hoe-tel rooms!).

On an end note, I have another question to ask...Is it really bad to sleep topless on a SEPERATE BED next to your best friend? (Keep in mind we are sleeping in an oven!)