Sick, Beat & Feeling Incomplete

Song for the day : Tupac "Baby Don't Cry (Keep Your Head Up)"

I am all drugged up since yesterday afternoon. I got chills, they were multiplying and I was losing control :) I was also feeling nauseous, had a bad headache and my stomach was feeling really upset. I got nerveous because up North malaria is rampant and I got bitten EVERYWHERE. So I googled the symptoms and I had em all! I was so scared, so Rattana took me to the pharmacy and the pharmacist gave me all these drugs. I am to take 12 pills per day. I hate taking pills and I avoid them at all costs but Malaria is something you don't want to mess with.

I hate to say this, but I am actually happy to be back in Pattaya. I think the only reason why is because I am finally free from Justin the psychologist. I swear if I hear "What are your thoughts and feelings?" "What do you think about that? How does it make you feel?" one more freaking time I will snap! I feel bad for anyone who is married to a psychologist (no offence to those who are, who are with one, or who would like to be one). I like to share my thoughts and feelings. I am not one against sharing how I feel. But to talk about feelings 24/7 about EVERYTHING?!!! Oh you went to the bathroom? How did that feel? What are your thoughts about your experience in the toilet? Arghhhhhhhhhhh! It got me thinking, that psychologists don't do anything but drive you madder than you already are!

So anyways, the other day we were supposed to go Burma....and the 3 did. I wanted to go so bad, but I stayed behind with Reena because she had forgotten her passport at our hotel and I didn't want her to be alone at the border because it is dangerous. So it was like be alone with the 3 people I am not too fond of, or stay with Reena! I gave her a lecture about carrying her passport with her at all times. In a foreign country filled with corruption, you really need to carry your passport at all times. There were so many military check points during our trip and some ask for I.D - We were lucky we got away with her not having one but in the case that the soldier was having a bad day or wanted to be a jerk, it could have been serious. The soldiers here have full control and can easily take advantage of people especially foreigners!

There is a lot of theft and a lot of people who monitor your every move at the border. We were advised not to make any phone calls or send out texts because EVERYTHING is monitored! I wanted to take advantage of the really cheap, name brand goods & really nice Ruby gems from Burma (sorry I couldn't buy you any Mommy!) we were advised not to show any cash at all. If one person knows we have money, they will tell others and we will be harrassed all day or even robbed! Before Justin, Ratanna and Wanna went across the border, we had lunch at a restaurant over looking the bridge. From the restaurant you can see so many children at the bridge begging border crossers for money. I was so hungry but in an instant I lost my appetite because I felt bad seeing kids ages 3-12 doing drugs, gambling with one another and begging adults for money. There was one girl who looked like she was 9 or 10 and she did not have any limbs. She was using her hands to move around and follow tourists walking while begging for money. I felt really sad and wanted to cry but I held it because I didn't want to "share my thoughts and feelings"! I was kind of annoyed when Justin and Ratanna were like "Eat! Eat!" I had completely lost my appetite seeing these kids hungry and hot getting high, gambling and begging when they should be in school. I later found out that as much as it hurts to see children begging money, we shouldn't give them any money at all. The reason is because these kids are kidnapped from the maffia and trained to be good beggars. That every penny they get from stupid tourists like myself, goes to the maffia. So we may think we are helping the kids and their families but in reality we aren't. We are just encouraging the maffia to kidnap more kids so they can get more money for themselves!

Justin told us that night time, even during the day we can see a lot of people from Burma sneaking into Thailand illegally. We actually saw a few while we were eating at the restaurant. I didn't think it would be as easy as it was. The bridge and the river that divides them is so small. It is seriously 10 steps dividing the 2 countries. However, the highways are heavily patrolled by the military so even though you sneak into Thailand, there is a great chance you will get caught and suffer severe, unimaginable consequences.

In one of my entries I said that the 2 Burmese tribes were at war with eachother but I got it wrong. The 2 tribes THE SHAN & THE KAREN (Kah-rin) tribes have been at war AGAINST the Burmese Military for years. The 2 tribes are farmers. All they know is how to cultivate land and farm. They don't care for technology, money or bling. Those mean nothing to them and are useless with their way of life. I don't understand why that is such a problem with the Burmese government? I don't know why they have to kill their own people? They are not doing anything wrong. They are just living their lives freely. The new Health Minister of Burma/Myanmar quoted "In 10 years there will be no Karen people alive. They will ALL be killed. If you want to see a Karen, you can see them in a museum". That quote is for real. There are thousands of villagers killed EVERYDAY. EVERY SECOND. On the other side of the beautiful, lush mountains
we drove by, there is a lot of pain, suffering and tears. No one is doing anything to help these people. That is why the Monks have decided to take a stand to overthrow the government and give the land back to its people. What you see and hear in the news is totally under-rated. There are a lot more deaths that are unrecorded. What is going on in Burma is serious and really really bad. It pisses me off that the U.N is not recognizing how bad it is and keep shoving the issue aside. It's been going on for years and years!

We met up with some Burmese migrants. I mentioned earlier how they fed us like kings and queens when they have nothing for themselves. All of us could agree that it is ironic how the poor are a lot more giving and appreciative than those who have money. I like to think the rich are rich because they are too damn selfish and too damn cheap. So anyways, we stayed with them and we got to learn how they live and how they are. They lead such simple lives. Working together to cultivate land and sharing with one another what they have. What wrong does the government see in that? Why do they want to kill that? What harm are they doing? We went to one of their church services. Most Burmese from the Karen tribe are 90% Christian. I didn't understand a word what they were saying but as a Catholic I have an idea of what is going on. It was really moving to see how passionate they were about their faith despite what is going on in their country. I felt like crying being there. I got a little teary and so did Reena. I never see Reena cry. I think maybe only once or even twice! There was one girl in particular who made us teary. She is 9 years old, very beautiful with the longest eye lashes. Half her face was bruised and it looked like she was beaten. She was praying so hard and belting out each song loudly and with passion. I have never seen someone so young, so faithful and so religious. It really too me by surprise! When I was her age I was singing for my church choir, but at the time I wasn't really into church and did not find it meaningful at all. I have to admit I only joined the choir because of the cookies and juice. As a child I went to church because I was forced to go not because I wanted to.

We went to a refugee camp where it is home to 65,000 Burmese in Thailand waiting to be placed in a 3rd country. We learned they have been there for many many years just waiting. To be placed in Australia or the United States. So it got Reena and I thinking....What about Canada? Why aren't we doing anything to help? The people at the refugee camp want to go back home to Burma but will most likely be killed if they go back. People who are 25 years and under do not know any other way of life but the life they have in the refugee camp. It's pretty bad because they are unrecognized.The government of Thailand does not consider them citizens of Thailand even though they are born in Thailand because they are Burmese. And they are not citizens of Burma because they were born in Thailand. So they have no citizenship status. It was so crazy being there. They have no sanitation. No water. No toilets. Diseases are spread so fast. The only way they can clean their clothes or themselves is when it rains. They are surrounded by barbed wire so they can not escape the camp. Even if they did, there are soldiers EVERYWHERE.
Seeing them walking around with their guns watching our every move got me nerveous. I wanted to take pictures so bad but we were not allowed. We couldn't even whip out our cells to make phone calls or send text messages. In and around the refugee camp it is heavily secured. Rattana and Wanna tried to talk to some to get some information about how they are being treated at the camp and if they are being fed, but none spoke Thai only Burmese. We wanted to leave because the heat was incredible and we felt that the soldiers were thinking we looked suspicious. We had lied telling them we were just driving by just doing some sight seeing. We had to stick around because Justin was doing a live interview at the refugee camp for some Australian radio show. To help raise money for the Burmese migrants.

The ride up to the refugee camp was so unbearable. It was a drive up the mountains so the road was like we were going around in circles. I felt so car sick and and wanted to throw up! I had my head out the window for air but we encountered a lot of road kill. Normally I wouldn't really be bothered by road kill, but the road kill we were seeing were BIG, FAT PYTHONS! I was scared a snake would somehow pop into our window and onto my lap or if I had my head out the window pieces of python will go into my mouth as we drive past them. Again, I felt like I couldnt breathe and I was experiencing major heart palpitations. It pissed me off because Justin knew how sick we all felt but he still drove like a maniac and asked us how we felt and why?! It's like, you bloody idiot why do you have to ask us how we feel when you can hear and see us complaining about how sick we felt!

Anyways, I have to go for now. I need to eat lunch and pop more pills! Peace!